I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
