I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
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I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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