party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i believe in u and ur pee
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