very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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