god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
