38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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