I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
