you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
