Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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