i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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