Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
