I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
