Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
