Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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