So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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