He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
