dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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