i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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