And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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