Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
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