PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
