Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
