all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
