we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
