they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Randomize
