And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
