Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
