that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
