Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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