I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
