You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
