wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She bit a glass in half.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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