are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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