I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
