why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
How does it feel to date your dad?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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