It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
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In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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