dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
