It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
