I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
