I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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