Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
People in love make me want to vomit
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
