yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
