with your own penis?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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