I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
wanna go halves on a baby?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
