i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
