i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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