Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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