thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
