i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
