Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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