Fine. I'll sleep in my office
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
