I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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