i would punch a child for taco bell
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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