You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
