my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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