if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
