dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
