theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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