Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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