oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
