I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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