Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
