Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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