drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
