yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
