dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
