If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
