I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
